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kmusserLast week Del wrote an excellent post about owning your own happiness. And he assigned some homework - writing down things that make me happy - and making sure I actually do them. So here we go . . .
1. Being outdoors - probably the simplest thing that makes my happy is just getting outside, in nature, going for a walk and escaping civilization for a bit. It can be with someone or alone, with someone I get time with them without other distractions; alone it's like meditation, one of the few ways I've found to shut the brain up for awhile. It's one of those things that I don't do very often because my schedule gets full of other stuff and then I don't have time or I just forget to do so - I should reserve time for this.
2. Making maps - I get quite a bit of pleasure from making a good map and I know I'm very lucky to have a job where I get to do something that makes me happy (sometimes they have me do stuff other than making maps and it gets boring, but usually it's good). I don't think I necessarily need to do more of this, more just acknowledging that it is so.
3. Going to new places - most of you know that I enjoy traveling. I love seeing and experiencing some place new, the reminder to myself here is that someplace new doesn't necessarily need to be distant or exotic. Just visiting the next town/park/stream/mountain/neighborhood/whatever over satisfies that exploration itch and is not hard to do.
4. Cuddles/physical touch - not exactly news, and I think I do pretty good at this one, but is a reminder not to neglect it or take it for granted.
5. Playing games with people - shocking I know, but I think the "with people" part here is important, computer games and games online (which even if they are with people, don't have the same social interaction) don't fill the same need for me. With experienced gamers I like having a challenging opponent and getting to explore new strategies, with new gamers I like the teaching and seeing them "get" a new game (and hopefully turning them in to experienced gamers).
That's five, there are certainly other things that make me happy too, like good books, good music, wine, cheesecake, . . . but I think that's enough to focus on.
I'll add a couple of things that make me unhappy, reducing them would certainly increase my net happiness.
1. Worrying about money - I've been privileged enough not to have to worry too much about money since moving to the DC area, with buying a second home a couple years ago I had to start paying attention and balancing costs. I don't make enough to support both of the acupuncturists in my life without keeping an eye on the pocketbook. I was doing ok, but the couple of months out of work really drove home how fragile our finances are - I was not happy. This year I think I need to get the financial house in order a bit, with more of a buffer I'll worry less.
2. Obligations - I don't like feeling like I "have to" do anything, it really doesn't matter what the anything is. I somehow don't think I'm alone in this, the "resentment fee" idea in Del's post really struck home. Still some are necessary because they avoid even more unhappiness (I'll pay taxes and generally obey laws to avoid jail) and some some I'll accept because they enable the happy stuff above (work enables making maps and not worrying about money, obligations to my loves enable cuddles and travel and gaming partners) - I think the take away is to think about the costs of obligations and not to accept new ones without taking that into consideration.
I think relationships are complicated because they're usually a mixture of giving and taking, sure you want to avoid ones that are all take and no give, but when it's a mix it's harder to tell whether it is serving you or not - plus things change, if something or someone was giving you happiness, but it goes away over time, you might not notice - and then you are stewing in unhappiness, not knowing why - it's good to reexamine things every once in awhile.
The other thing I wanted to add is that it's not necessarily all about happiness, being happy is one of my goals, but it is certainly not the only one. Some things I'll do, not because they make me happy, but because they'll make the world a better place, or serve some sort of higher purpose, or whatever - the point here is that sometimes withdrawals from the "happiness bank" are worth it. I think Del's point is to think about it. Making withdrawals as a conscious choice when you've decided it is indeed worth it is fine, just don't do it out of habit, or because it's expected - and don't do it without also making some deposits, or you'll end up burned out.
1. Being outdoors - probably the simplest thing that makes my happy is just getting outside, in nature, going for a walk and escaping civilization for a bit. It can be with someone or alone, with someone I get time with them without other distractions; alone it's like meditation, one of the few ways I've found to shut the brain up for awhile. It's one of those things that I don't do very often because my schedule gets full of other stuff and then I don't have time or I just forget to do so - I should reserve time for this.
2. Making maps - I get quite a bit of pleasure from making a good map and I know I'm very lucky to have a job where I get to do something that makes me happy (sometimes they have me do stuff other than making maps and it gets boring, but usually it's good). I don't think I necessarily need to do more of this, more just acknowledging that it is so.
3. Going to new places - most of you know that I enjoy traveling. I love seeing and experiencing some place new, the reminder to myself here is that someplace new doesn't necessarily need to be distant or exotic. Just visiting the next town/park/stream/mountain/neighborhood/whatever over satisfies that exploration itch and is not hard to do.
4. Cuddles/physical touch - not exactly news, and I think I do pretty good at this one, but is a reminder not to neglect it or take it for granted.
5. Playing games with people - shocking I know, but I think the "with people" part here is important, computer games and games online (which even if they are with people, don't have the same social interaction) don't fill the same need for me. With experienced gamers I like having a challenging opponent and getting to explore new strategies, with new gamers I like the teaching and seeing them "get" a new game (and hopefully turning them in to experienced gamers).
That's five, there are certainly other things that make me happy too, like good books, good music, wine, cheesecake, . . . but I think that's enough to focus on.
I'll add a couple of things that make me unhappy, reducing them would certainly increase my net happiness.
1. Worrying about money - I've been privileged enough not to have to worry too much about money since moving to the DC area, with buying a second home a couple years ago I had to start paying attention and balancing costs. I don't make enough to support both of the acupuncturists in my life without keeping an eye on the pocketbook. I was doing ok, but the couple of months out of work really drove home how fragile our finances are - I was not happy. This year I think I need to get the financial house in order a bit, with more of a buffer I'll worry less.
2. Obligations - I don't like feeling like I "have to" do anything, it really doesn't matter what the anything is. I somehow don't think I'm alone in this, the "resentment fee" idea in Del's post really struck home. Still some are necessary because they avoid even more unhappiness (I'll pay taxes and generally obey laws to avoid jail) and some some I'll accept because they enable the happy stuff above (work enables making maps and not worrying about money, obligations to my loves enable cuddles and travel and gaming partners) - I think the take away is to think about the costs of obligations and not to accept new ones without taking that into consideration.
I think relationships are complicated because they're usually a mixture of giving and taking, sure you want to avoid ones that are all take and no give, but when it's a mix it's harder to tell whether it is serving you or not - plus things change, if something or someone was giving you happiness, but it goes away over time, you might not notice - and then you are stewing in unhappiness, not knowing why - it's good to reexamine things every once in awhile.
The other thing I wanted to add is that it's not necessarily all about happiness, being happy is one of my goals, but it is certainly not the only one. Some things I'll do, not because they make me happy, but because they'll make the world a better place, or serve some sort of higher purpose, or whatever - the point here is that sometimes withdrawals from the "happiness bank" are worth it. I think Del's point is to think about it. Making withdrawals as a conscious choice when you've decided it is indeed worth it is fine, just don't do it out of habit, or because it's expected - and don't do it without also making some deposits, or you'll end up burned out.